Emotions are intended to guide us, not overwhelm us. For most people, however, emotions come in a package that is beyond their control, messy, and even frightening. Intense anger, emotional numbness, a rising fear without an obvious known trigger, or the feeling that one is observing life from a place above their own self—at least as an outsider looking in—are interpreted as overreacting or as a sign of lack of strength. But most likely, they are indicative of emotional dysregulation and, at times, the presence of a somatic or one of the dissociative disorders. Understanding the truth behind the surface is the beginning of understanding, compassion, and happiness.
What is emotion dysregulation, and how does it develop?
Emotion dysregulation is where individuals face challenges in managing their emotions to an extent that suits their current situations. It does not imply that having deep feelings is bad for an individual but that the feelings may be overwhelming for the situation, long-lasting for the situation, and sudden for the situation as well. Such individuals may get swept along by their own feelings rather than having control over them.
This is typically a result of stress and trauma experienced during childhood or inconsistent parenting that dismissed or punished one’s emotions. This leads to a nervous system that always runs in hyper-arousal mode. The part of your brain that controls your emotion actually reacts before your rational part of your brain can make sense of and make logical decisions to stay out of trouble.
It might manifest in bursts of emotion, hypersensitivity to rejection, mood swings, or shutting down emotionally altogether.
It’s worth noting that emotion dysregulation is not something to criticize yourself over! Emotion dysregulation is a learned survival tool, and a learned survival tool can always be unlearned!
The Relationship between Emotion Dysregulation and Dissociative Disorders
Dissociative disorders often come as a package with difficulty with emotional control, especially when trauma is the other variable. Dissociation is the mind’s defense against too-strong situations. Even as emotional states become too difficult to feel within the mind, the mind tries to remove the present moment from these states or memories.
However, in people with dissociative disorders, a coping skill like this one repeats itself as a pattern rather than a brief occurrence. Individuals may feel as though they are distant from people, as though observing themselves from a perspective outside one’s own body; others may experience memory loss, lack of emotion, or a reality that feels somehow “wrong.” Where “emotions are too much,” in people with dissociation disorders, “emotions are not here at all.”
These two patterns, while contrasting, also seem to switch back and forth. It may go from emotion to an empty slate. This can be brutal, especially for a person who does not know the reason.
Signs of Emotion Dysregulation in Dissociative Disorders
To be sure, the obvious emotional dysregulation one finds in the context of the presence of a dissociative disorder is not always dramatic or attention-getting. There are times when emotional dysregulation is low-key as the individual avoids people or is “confused.” They cannot put their finger on their feelings, or they experience feelings they are ashamed of but that they cannot do anything about. They are triggered by easy things that spark strong emotional response, which is accompanied by guilt after the event passes over.
Since the human mind is prone to dissociation in the form of dissociative disorders, emotional regulation becomes even harder. For example, the mind may experience one side of it intensely feeling certain emotions and another side trying desperately not to notice those same emotions.
Given this, people can spend years unaware of the psychological dynamic of their struggles. They can be seeking treatment for things like anxiety, depression, or relationship problems while being unaware of the underlying processes of dysregulation and dissociation.
“The Ripple of Emotion Dysregulation in Everyday Life and Relationships”
Emotion dysregulation does not remain confined to our inner world either. It seeps into our relationships with others, our jobs, and our very sense of who we are as people. When our emotions both peak and out-of-control feelings emerge, our relationships with others may become strained due to people not understanding what is going on with our emotions. There may be fear that others will desert them as well as apprehension about asking for something we need while feeling unsafe in our relationships with others.
Another level of dissociative disorders brings in the sense of inconsistency in the idea of emotional presence. Family members can feel the sense of distance and availability gaps in the mind of the individual with the disorder. Sudden glitches are noticed where the individual may not be fully present. From the inner perspective of the mind of the individual with the dissociative disorders, the sense of being broken or misunderstood, or the shame of
This can ultimately lead to feelings of isolation, burnout, and a lack of trust in one’s feelings over time. Without an understanding of what is happening, it can lead to feelings of blame on oneself instead of the trauma and nervous system responses that have occurred.
Healing Emotion Dysregulation and Dissociative Disorders
Healing begins with awareness and compassion. Being aware of emotional dysregulation and its definition is the beginning to stop viewing our emotions as enemies or oppressors. Therapies that work to regulate our emotional states, address the trauma that causes emotional distress, and soothe the nervous system are also effective.
In the case of dissociative disorders, the healing is about reconnecting with your emotions safely and in a controlled manner. While the goal is not about curing the condition and preventing dissociation permanently, the intention is to reduce the instances where the mind resorts to dissociation. Emotional tolerance, grounding, and trust can help the mind feel safe and grounded. Recovery is, to my mind, nothing to do with emotional perfectionism, but about flexibility, choice, and understanding in emotional response.
